I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
