What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
