how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
