this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
