He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
we're making bets on your personal life
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
