if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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