I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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