no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
