All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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