just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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