i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
