so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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