listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You are a genius and a whore.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
