found the other keg... it's in the tree
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
