it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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