Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
