The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
