Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
