Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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