the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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