for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
