It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
