Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
