plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
handjob tips. give me some.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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