well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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