Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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