i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
people are starting to question the shark bite story
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
