I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
