We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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