My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
