I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
