I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
