Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
