I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
