I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
