hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
