I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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