You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
