**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
