and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
