What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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