he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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