i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
