You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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