So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
