What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
