I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
