And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
