no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
