You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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