you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
