just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
