Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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